What's an Appropriate Bat Mitzvah Gift? Ideas + How Much to Give

Invited to a bat mitzvah and not sure what to give? You're in good company. Here's what's appropriate, how much money to give, and gift ideas for every relationship, from classmate to grandparent.

What Is a Bat Mitzvah?

A bat mitzvah is a Jewish girl's coming of age. At 12, she's considered old enough to take on the responsibility of the commandments, like fasting on Yom Kippur. In most non-Orthodox communities she marks it with a service where she's called up to the Torah, usually at 12 or 13, and often reads or chants her Torah portion. She has probably been studying for a year or more, so it's a big deal.

How Much Money Should You Give for a Bat Mitzvah?

There's no official amount, and anyone who tells you there's a rule is guessing. What almost everyone does is give in multiples of 18. In Hebrew, the letters of chai (חי), meaning "life," add up to 18, so an $18 multiple is a way of wishing her a good life.

A few things usually shape the amount:

• How close you are. Classmates and friends tend to give smaller amounts; grandparents, aunts and uncles usually give more.
• Whether you're coming as a family. A couple or family often gives one larger gift together.
• Your budget. A thoughtful $36 is just as appropriate as a big check. Nobody should stretch for a gift.
• Your community. Norms vary a lot by city and circle. If you're unsure, ask a friend who's been to a few.

Common chai amounts are $36, $54, $72, $108, $180, and up from there. A check made out to the bat mitzvah girl is easy for the family to track, and many families put money gifts toward college. A ModernTribe gift card works too.

Bat Mitzvah Gift Ideas by Relationship

For a classmate or friend

Something fun she'll actually wear or use: a friendship bracelet, a hair accessory or a game for her friends.

Star of David Beaded Friendship Bracelets - (Set of 3) · $22 Star of David Rhinestone Headband · $20 Jewish Wisdom Ball · $24 Everything Bagel Hair Claw · $14

For a family friend or relative

Jewish jewelry is the classic choice: a delicate Star of David, chai or Hebrew name necklace she can wear every day. (Here's what each symbol means.) A guided Jewish journal is a thoughtful option for a girl who loves to write.

Teeny Tiny Star of David Necklace - Gold · $56 Sparkling Love Star of David Bracelet with CZ Stones - Gold Vermeil · $56 Gold Israel at Heart Bracelet - 20% of Proceeds Donated · $40 SHAVUA: A Guided Weekly Jewish Journal · $36

See more Jewish jewelry and Star of David necklaces.

For a grandparent, parent or close family

This is the time for an heirloom: her own tallit (prayer shawl) to wear when she's called to the Torah, a pair of Shabbat candlesticks for her future home, or a beautiful tzedakah box to start a lifelong habit of giving. If you're giving a tallit for the ceremony itself, coordinate with her parents first, since one may already be planned.

Tree Tallit by Advah Designs · $195 Blue Woven Striped Tallit by Yair Emanuel · $120 Small Silver Nickel Hammered Candlesticks by Yair Emanuel · $40 Miriam Tzedakah Box by Emily Rosenfeld · $120

A gift that gives back

Many bat mitzvah kids take on a mitzvah project. A donation in her name to a cause she cares about is always appropriate, or you can plant a tree in Israel through the Jewish National Fund.

Bat Mitzvah Gift Etiquette

• Bring the gift to the party, not the service. Many services happen on Shabbat, when observant families don't carry or handle money. Use the gift table or card box at the celebration, or mail it.
• Write a card. A few words about how proud you are mean a lot to a 12- or 13-year-old.
• Can't attend? It's still nice to send a card or gift if you were invited.
• Wondering about the party? Here are some fun bar and bat mitzvah themes.

Bat Mitzvah Gift FAQ

What is an appropriate gift for a bat mitzvah?

Money (usually in multiples of $18), Jewish jewelry like a Star of David or Hebrew name necklace, Shabbat candlesticks, a tallit or a tzedakah box are all classic, appropriate choices. Close family often gives something she'll keep for years; friends and classmates usually give money or a smaller gift.

How much money should you give for a bat mitzvah?

There's no set amount. Most people give in multiples of $18 (chai, the Hebrew word for life), such as $36, $54, $72, $108 or $180, and give more the closer they are to the family. Give what feels right for your relationship and your budget.

Why do Jews give money in multiples of 18?

In Hebrew, every letter has a number. The letters of chai (חי), meaning "life," add up to 18, so gifts in multiples of 18 are a way of wishing someone a good life.

Should you bring a bat mitzvah gift to the synagogue?

It's better to bring it to the party or mail it to the family. Many bat mitzvah services happen on Shabbat, when observant families don't carry or handle money, and there's usually a gift table or card box at the celebration.

Is a check or cash better for a bat mitzvah gift?

Either is fine. A check made out to the bat mitzvah girl is easier for the family to track and deposit, and many families put money gifts toward college savings.

Is the gift different for a bar mitzvah?

The etiquette is the same: multiples of 18 for money, and meaningful Judaica or a personal gift otherwise. See our bar mitzvah gifts for ideas he'll love.